Laying on the bed browsing the web with the laptop and there comes a hammering on the front door. Me thinks... "either the JW or the leccy meter reader... ignore". Further door hammering and I thought I better answer it.

Couple of lads standing there I kind of recognise as sons of the landlord next door.

"You better move your Landrover someone has set fire to the shed next to it!"

I say okay and shut the door and let those words sink in for moment. Robotic voice shouts out commands in my head over the din of the rest of the noise in my skull screaming "OH MY GOD PANIC".

PUT SHOES ON

CAR KEYS? IN COAT POCKET

PUT COAT ON

EXIT HOUSE

YES BIG FIRE, GO TOWARD IT FAST.

NEIGHBOURS MILLING AROUND FLAPPING AND SAYING THINGS TO ME - OUT MY WAY I'M ON A MISSION.

SAFE TO GET IN TRUCK? NOT REALLY, DO IT ANYWAY.

IT'S HOT.

FIND CAR DOOR KEY, EASY TO SEE BECAUSE OF THE ABUNDANCE OF FIRE LIGHT A MERE THREE FOOT AWAY.

KEY IN LOCK, OPEN DOOR.

DISKLOK SECURITY ON STEERING WHEEL - REMOVE IT. BY THE WAY IT'S GETTING QUITE HOT STANDING HERE, YES THOSE ARE FLAMES LICKING THROUGH THE PANELS.

FIT BATTERY CUT OFF SWITCH. NEARLY THERE. LOTS OF SMOKING DEBRIS ALL OVER TRUCK... ARE WE ON FIRE ? NO , HURRY UP, IT'S FRICKEN HOT.

ERMMM DO YOU THINK THERE ARE GAS BOTTLES STORED IN THAT SHED? NOW IS ABOUT TIME THEY WOULD EXPLODE.  DO YOU MIND NOT THINKING ABOUT SUCH THINGS.

RIGHT ENGINE ON - HIT REVERSE - GO GO GO

WOOOOOOOOAH GATE STILL CLOSED ------------WOOOOOOOOAH SOMEONE BEHIND THE TRUCK HIT THE BRAKES.

WE ARE SAFE DISTANCE, CALM DOWN, OPEN GATE AND GET THE FUDGE OUT OF DODGE.

WHAT ABOUT THE SERIES1 LANDROVER? ITS FIVE FOOT AWAY FROM BURNING SHED, TOO LATE NOW IT WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR ITSELF.

ERM.... WHAT ABOUT THOSE EMPTY FUEL CANS INFRONT OF THE SERIES 1? OH SHIT.

RUN RUN RUN, MOVE FUEL CANS TO SOMEWHERE SAFE, NEIGHBOUR HELPING. COOL.

FIRE ENGINE, FIRE MEN, WATER WATER EVERY WHERE.

RELAX NOW.

The damage...

Well the shed is a right off... but that ain't mine. Defender got a melted snorkel and tyre cover shrunk wrapped onto the wheel, another minute and I think it would have been lost as I would not have been able to move it in time. The Series 1, the firemen got water on it just in time. The front side lamps and indicators melted along with the wing mirror paint. Everything was covered in asbestos roofing which had to be safely removed. So couple hundred quid damage to my gear I guess.